My current observation about the holidays is that the Christmas Train has left the station, (I'm sure it left early,) and I am racing down the tracks, trying to jump on the caboose. I love giving gifts, and although I believe that the focus on the birth and sacrifice of Jesus is at the center of the season, you might not always know that if you are watching me.
There are many time-management adjectives I cling to this time of year: "disciplined", "diligent" and "prepared" are but a few. When I plan well and prepare in advance, I feel better about the ensuing celebration. On those rare occasions when gifts are made, purchased and wrapped ahead of time, I might actually feel a little smug about what I've accomplished. I'm not proud about being smug . . . I'm just trying to be honest here.
I don't believe that there is anything inherently wrong with time management. In fact, I believe that time is a gift, and I don't want to squander it. The problem I'm having this season though, is that, when I allow God to manage my time as I attempt to sit at the feet of Jesus and hear His voice, other things in my life often appear mis-managed. Not only do I have to chose to ignore my to-do list, but I have to let go of my concern about the perceptions of others. Somehow, the idea of allotting 12 minutes in the morning for God to speak doesn't seem to sit well with Him. Especially when I set the timer on my microwave. He can't be Lord of my life if I'm lord of my time.
My concern about the perceptions of others is what is really at the heart of my Inner-Martha.* I long to have unlimited time to sit at the feet of Jesus, but I don't want to be seen as lazy or procrastinating. Yet, if I'm brutally honest with myself, my lack of time at Jesus' feet is often due more to procrastination and fatigue than it is to stellar productivity.
When Jesus said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24), Mary was somehow able to grasp that self denial meant time focused on Jesus, regardless of what anyone else, including her sister Martha, thought. I think, centuries later, it means the same for me.
The realization I've come to is that proper time management means letting God set my schedule. I won't do that perfectly, and I probably won't impress anyone. But if I can learn to allow God to guide how I spend my time, somehow, I'm sure that what's truly important will happen . . . regardless of whether or not I ever catch up with the Christmas Train.
*(Luke 10:38-42.)
-- Susan Rodebush © 2010
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Wow - I needed to 'hear' that today - having many of the same thoughts / feelings..... ( I called it 'spiritually treading water' ) Keep sharing....as our folks and grand-folks used to say " honesty IS the best policy".
Posted by: Kathleen | December 22, 2010 at 10:06 AM